Is it really this lonely?
WARNING: highly emotional post to follow
It’s Saturday afternoon and I am sitting here crying. 2008 is going down as the year of the most crying ever.
It’s been a challenging week to say the least. Hell it’s been a challenging year! (Note: A good year but by no means an easy year.) Generally I manage to keep composure and a smile amongst people, but this afternoon I’m home alone, tired, stressed and yes emotional.
This week was marked by long hours and lots of panic. (It can be a bitch trying to be amazing at what you do.) The lack of food, sleep and the onslaught of stress has been caused by too much work and change in my life and too little time.
Setting up business processes, new projects, bigger clients, conference presentations, hectic meetings, and one too many events combined with family duties has me overwhelmed. In addition, I miss “home”.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s going phenomenally well. I love my family and friends, and career and business wise the year in Cape Town has been mind-blowing – in actual fact it’s becoming better and more exciting by the minute. Just writing this, I am disgusted with myself for being weak, unthankful and a freakin cry-baby.
Still, fact is: I’m one person. Women alone. I have dreams. I am determined to succeed. Persistent to get results. Stubborn as hell. I have feelings. Dammit, I’m merely human.
Yet
I don’t ask for enough help. I don’t say no when I should. I don’t listen to my body and I don’t give myself me-time. In fact I am no example of a balanced life at all.
My crying, my stress, my volatile emotion comes down to pure uncertainty and frustration. Business is a lonely road. I am sitting here struggling with so many business/career related concerns that I don’t know where to start. I actually feel quite passive.
Time management, expectation management, office logistic and setting of rates has become truly tricky. Hell I can’t even decide on my own brand development or business strategy at the moment – and that is what I do for a living. Am I merely overcomplicating things? Am I too tired and perhaps too caught up in what I want to do and not what I am suppose to be doing? So many questions that need answers and some action plan.
I clearly remember business being easier when I was younger (stupidity can be a blessing), or maybe it was the huge volumes of support I had from my amazing family and man? Perhaps this time round I am older, wiser, more cautious, far from my family and unsupported. Anyhow, all I know is that I am lonely in business at the moment. What to do…
22/11/2008 at 5:39 pm
(((((Beverley))))) I think you need a hug.
22/11/2008 at 5:43 pm
Joy-Mari - Jeepers that was a fast response. I need a hug. *giggle* I also need a shot of tequila - keen? (PS. We should do toastmasters….)
22/11/2008 at 5:53 pm
It is really tough some times. I have my family and my home but I find myself a little out at sea at times with my business, trying to innovate, break through some barrier that has sprung up. I even find myself having fond memories of being employed with a steady income, annual leave and all that stuff. I find it helps to remember what we do this crazy entrepreneurial work for and how important it is given who we are and then just get back up and keep putting one foot in front of the other until the clouds lift.
22/11/2008 at 10:23 pm
I was waiting on my hot date at the Baxter and checked my Friendfeed when I saw this post. And I know what it’s like to feel lonely.
Yes, Toastmasters. Next month? What say ya?
23/11/2008 at 12:38 am
*hug* its also because the year is winding down, hun.
23/11/2008 at 10:46 am
U need a holiday!!
No cell phones, computers or gizmo’s, with lots of “me” time, beaches and lazy taning days, where ur biggest concern is ur glass of wine needs re-filllling!
23/11/2008 at 4:18 pm
Good luck! Being alone is never easy, despite what anyone says. However, read your previous blogs, and see how much pleasure your work really provides you with, and then imagine your life without it!
Not all your happiness should come from business, that’s what family, friends and loved ones are there for.
24/11/2008 at 9:49 am
Its the last couple of weeks till the end of the year hopefully you have some off during this period, being alone is really crap, take time relax and rather go with the flow, sending you a bear hug to cheer you up.
24/11/2008 at 1:12 pm
you strike me as a smart woman.
it seems to me that you already know what you need to do, be it easier said than done.
you said it yourself, balance, you need to find that balance. perhaps allowing yourself to seek help where you need it.
you render urself usless to yourself and others if you work urself to the point where you cannot enjoy the fruits of your labour.
you know what you to do
24/11/2008 at 10:00 pm
Bev
I am sorry you are struggling with all of this. I feel for you.
I dont have any “silver bullet” piece of advice, but I do have some random thoughts that my help.
1. My wish for you is that you had someone with whom you could share these feelings as you are feeling them. It doesnt have to be a “Man” — it could be a friend, an understanding colleague, or a therapist. If these stressful events come often enough, then you need to take care of yourself.
2. Take care of yourself. Listen to your body. Take the time you need to rejuvenate. Shut off the damn Blackberry. Read a book. Take a day off. You’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you work yoursefl into oblivion.
3. I’ve only known you a few weeks, yet I can tell you are gifted. You have a mission and a gift to the world and your responsibility is to deliver it as best you can. You dont serve your mission if you say YES to everyone. You dont serve your mission if you burn out early. Say NO. Manage your energy, not your time, and that includes lots and lots of down time.
4. Go home. If family, friends and support are not in Cape Town, and if you need all of those and cant get them in Cape Town, go home. Figure out a way to run your business from Home (or, figure out a way to spend lots of time Home even if you have to be in Cape Town for your business — e.g., long weekends Home every other week).
5. Be present. I am glad you have dreams. I am glad you are determined to succeed. But for now, be present. Today. Dont worry about tomorrow. Live your vision today, and you wlll be successful today.
6. Meditate (see #5 above).
7. Above all, “wear sunscreen.” (Sorry, that’s a pop culture refrence that may be familiar to you, and its one I remind myself of whenever I feel like I am getting too heavy in the advice department.)
You’re not alone Bev.
Rich
25/11/2008 at 5:07 pm
Ok, where to start….
Firstly thanks for all the comments, emails and support. It’s been both surprising and educating. Really helped add some perspective…Overall I promise to take time out and regain energy and cheekiness!
Paul - You totally get what I am saying. I have a great family and awesome friends (when they not busy) but somehow being lonely in business is very different to being lonely in general. However I still believe that employment is overrated - so is steady (capped) income. Thanks for the wisdom - giving it a go - one step at a time.
Joy-Marie - Chick I have to meet you!
Absolutwillie - You are so wise master. Please send me the same breed of man for a husband. Christmas is around the corner. PS. Make sure he can make sushi.
Braam - I have an amazing family. Being lonely in business is a different ball game - well to me at least.
Bags & More - My suppliers read my blog? *gulp* Thanks for the comment and encouragement.
Blade - Smart & loony be me! Yes yes, I promise to find some zen and mojo shortly.
Richard - I refuse to label it as “struggling”. Tricky - maybe. Frustrating - yes! As they don’t make men the way they use to, a therapist ain’t a half-bad idea. Nothing like getting clarity when you paying someone to listen to you. And although I am gifted, talented and an overall smart-arse, I don’t channel my talent correctly (pangs of guilt felt). Thanks for emailing me after picking me up on Google Alerts. It has restored my faith in that alert system. xxx
25/11/2008 at 6:32 pm
Bev Babe
You need to take it easy on yourself. You are already more successful than many people ever will be, and you’re a cool, sexy chick! Stop over analysing and trying to Google Map your way from through life. Let life find you for a change rather than you keep tracking it down with a GPS! If you really think about all the things that could go wrong or all the things you have yet to do/complete in your life, you’ll explode! So don’t. Eat the elephant one bite at time.
I relax by (firstly not over analysing life) and engaging in all of life’s greatest activities (some might say vices): Alcohol, sex, outdoor activities, socialising, music and doing something others would call crazy about once a week. Combining 3 or more of the above activities, even better! There’s a reason these activities are so popular! Creating life long memories are much more valuable than avoiding regret!
If nothing else, I quit like reading http://www.zenhabits.net. Sometimes it’s rubbish but sometimes they have great ideas on living with more balance.
25/11/2008 at 8:03 pm
oy… big cyber hugs for you!
26/11/2008 at 5:22 pm
Je suis d’accord, Beverley
We met sort of in April at the Bluesouth-cum-Shake Interactive party but didn’t chat. I’m going to the US blogger indaba on Sunday, though.
27/11/2008 at 11:08 am
You nearly brought me to tears, that is so sad, so I am sending you a hug to brighten up your day. Hope you feel better soon.